Introduction
Out of the blue, I had a nostalgia moment. I realized that Nickelodeon’s Clarissa {Melissa Joan Hart} was really the first YouTuber/ Vlogger of my generation. Since the network has brought back Double Dare, I thought it would be hilarious if they made a Clarissa Explains It All reboot. This time as a mom. Turns out I wasn’t the only one with this idea, as confirmed by this piece in The Hollywood Reporter, it’s already in the works. I had to do some digging. Turns out, there is already a leaked script. Because we wrote it. We didn’t have the patience to wait and see if the studio execs were going to make this happen.
Series Premise
In Hollywood, the premise of a show isn’t generally presented in the pilot script. But since we’re not really following Hollywood protocol, we’re giving you the full premise of the show right off the bat.
Naturally, the show brings back Melissa Joan Hart as Clarissa, this time as a single Mom of three. She was recently divorced from husband Ted McGriff of Hey Dude, played by David Lascher. You might also remember Lascher as Melissa’s love interest in the show Sabrina The Teenage Witch. {Note that Lascher has not signed on to this, so his character Ted could be played by someone else. Fingers crossed this doesn’t not happen.}
Following the divorce, Ted leaves to the desert to pursue his dream of owning a Dude ranch, bringing his oldest son with him. So you won’t see him in the show other than a random guest appearance. Or in family photos as easter eggs.
The show centers around events after the divorce, with Clarissa turning to her family for moral support. This means we’ll see Marshall, Janet, Ferguson & Sam all making a comeback in supporting roles. While the family makes regular episodic appearances, it’s Clarissa, Sam, & and their kids who are the shows protagonists.
The Parents
Clarissa Darling
Melissa Joan Hart reprises her role as Clarissa, continuing to Explain it All just the way we remember. This time however, it’s her son Nick that’s really doing all the explaining.
Clarissa had a successful career as a Dj and Vlogger. So successful in fact that it overran her life. It put her ex-husband and kids in the spotlight in ways they weren’t always comfortable with. Now, her career is on the decline, she’s divorced, and she is struggling to be relevant, while her son Nick has become an internet sensation. She’s moved her family back to her hometown, which was bought and re-designed by her dad Marshall Darling. Her best friend Sam, recently divorced as well, lives close by. The two help each other navigate the jungle that is single-parenthood.
Ted McGriff
Ted McGriff returns to Nickelodeon! As it happens, Clarissa and Ted fell madly in love after Clarissa spent her last summer in high school at the Bar-None Ranch. They thought they’d never see each other again. They were wrong. After Clarissa left to New York to pursue her internship, the two met again in the city.
Shortly after graduation, the two were engaged, and Clarissa was pregnant with her first child, son Harvey Mc Griff.
Ted is in the luxury Real Estate Business, but is fed up with the fast-paced lifestyle of NYC. He longs to get back to his roots as a cowboy. After the divorce, he made it his mission to buy back the Bar-None ranch, now in shambles and abandoned, and restore it. Below is actual video footage of the abandoned set in which Ted McGriff will be acquiring. Since his son Harvey is just out of high-school now, he’s bringing him along for the ride.
Not limiting himself just to the acquisition of the Bar-None, he has plan’s to acquire many long lost Nickelodeon properties. Including but not limited to Camp Anawana, and the long lost Legend of the Hidden Temple.
Samuel “Sam” Anders
As you all remember, Sam was Clarissa’s best friend and neighbor who alway’s made a charming entrance through the window with his trusty ladder. After High School, Sam married model and actress Victoria Justice. The two had a Daughter, Bradley, who is now the same age as Ted & Clarissa’s middle child, Nick McGriff. More on Nick & Brad later.
Recently divorced himself, he and his daughter Bradley moved together into Marshall Darlings Creative Township development, making him and Clarissa neighbors once again. The two help each other navigate single parenthood, and could possibly re-kindle old flames.
The Darling Family
Marshall, Janet, & Ferguson
Marshall Darling struck it big after designing a Super-Mall, and is now a retired, happy Grandpa. He designed his own community housing project, in which he a made a house for both Clarissa & Ferguson right next door, so they can visit anytime they want. Janet now runs an organic fast food chain, a drive through joint called “The Celery Stalk” designed by none other than Marshall Darling, in the exact shape of a celery.
Ferguson has made the transition into politics, and is now the mayor of Marshall’s Creative Township. Clarissa and Ferguson continue to have conflicting views. Clarissa’s youngest daughter Phoebe, is a young republican herself, and has a special bond with Ferguson that Clarissa struggles to understand. More on Phoebe later.
The Kids
Nick McGriff
Aside from Clarissa, Nick is the show’s star. As Clarissa’s middle child, he is the most charismatic, and has a tendency to cause trouble. A real chip off the old block. Nick has his own Youtube Chanel, one where he live VR game streaming, creates his own comedy skit’s, and posts skateboard and prank videos. Nick took the divorce hard, and tends to act out rebelliously with the help of his best friend Brad. Our top pick of actor to play Nick is Nolan Gross. This is not confirmed.
Phoebe Darling
Phoebe Darling, decided to drop the name McGriff after the divorce, and only be refereed to by her mothers maiden name, Darling. Her uncle Ferguson is one of her hero’s, and she dreams of one day being President of the United States. She is absolutely repulsed by the behavior of her brother Nick, and stops at nothing to sabotage his antics. She gets straight A’s in school, and despite their differences, Clarissa and Phoebe are super close. Our first choice of actress for Phoebe is Francesca Capaldi. This is not confirmed.
Bradley Anders
Bradley Anders is Sam’s daughter, a total Tomboy with a huge crush on her best friend and next door neighbor Nick McGriff. Boy’s have always just seen her as another one of “the guys”, being that she’s so good at skateboarding, sport’s, and her wide array of music knowledge. But with Nick it’s different, and she’ll stop at nothing to get him to notice her as something more. Our first choice for Bradley Anders is Caitlin Carmichael. This has not been confirmed.
Clarissa Explains It All Reboot: The Leaked Script
Pilot Episode Premise: Nick Explains Post Malone
The premise of the Pilot episode is a reboot of this classic Clarissa episode we discovered on YouTube: Clarissa Explains Pearl Jam 93′. Keep in mind this isn’t the exact title. Also contained throughout the episode is reimagining of scenes that can now be found on Nick Splat’s YouTube channel.
So to sum it up, for those not inclined to read the full script is as follows. Clarissa is hosting a big 60th birthday party for her father Marshall, commemorating his achievements as an architect and a dad. She needs all the help she can get, so she enrolls her two kids Nick & Phoebe. Phoebe is gung-ho to help out, but Nick is the opposite. He has a Post Malone concert to go to, and nothing his mom has planned is going to get in his way.
Clarissa, not liking the influence Post Malone has on Nick, plans to sabotage him going to the concert, and even enrolls the help of Ferguson and her daughter Phoebe to help foil his plans. Will he make it to the concert? You’ll have to read the script to find out.
The Leaked Script
INT. CLARISSA’S OFFICE – DAY
Clarissa’s office is brimming with Nostalgia and Easter Eggs. She’s obviously stuck in the 90’s. Photo’s of her and Ted at the Bar-None, pictures of Clarissa back stage at Pearl Jam with Sam. 90’s Nicktoon figures like Ren, Stimpy, Rocko, and the Rugrats gang on her shelves. Kid’s choice awards and even an MTV Moonman. Pictures of Nick, Phoebe, and Ted all together. From what we can gather, the set itself could resemble Melissa Joan Harts house in this episode of MTV cribs we dug up.
Like the old day’s, Clarissa looks directly into the camera and breaks the fourth wall.
Clarissa
Parents. Growing up, I tended to take them for granted. I was grossed out by my mom’s all natural organic cooking, and I thought my Dad’s architecture was super cheesy. But now, They’re my hero’s. They stuck together through the good and bad, which is more than I can say for myself. They let me come back home, and supported me when I needed it the most. It’s time I returned the favor.
It’s my Dad’s 60th birthday, and I’m throwing him a huge party next weekend. My back yard is perfect for parties by the way. I got all his favorite records, on Vinyl of course. And just like old times, I’ll be playing them on these two technics 1200 turntables. I invited all his friends and colleagues throughout the years, and we’re all gonna party like it’s 1985.
My son Nick thinks he’s getting out of helping. He’s convinced he’s going to this “Post Malone” concert. I’m not having it. Not that I’m keen to putting a barrier between my son and his natural teenage rebellion. I sure as heck would’ve rather gone to see Peal Jam then go to my grandparents birthday party, but Nick is different. He’s spoiled. He goes to concerts practically every weekend. With his social media following people PAY him to have backstage tickets. Sam and I would’ve killed for access like that in the 90’s. No. It’s Not happening. Not this time. Not if I can help it.
INT. CLARISSA’S OFFICE – DAY
Sam enters through the sliding glass doors of Clarissa’s office.. Audience applauds and cheers. He’s wearing the same retro outfit’s he would have worn in 1993.
SAM
Hey Clarissa.
Clarissa
Hey Sam.
Sam
Hey Clarissa, do you think I’m stuck in the 90’s?
Clarissa
No way Sam. You’re just retro. People wish they could still pull off neon fanny packs and tied-dye the way you can.
Sam
Thanks Clarissa, my daughter thinks I’m a total square. Have you heard of this guy Post Malone? I thought he was some kind of mailman. She told me that she’s going to his concert no matter what I say. I could lock her in her room and she’d still find a way to go. What do I do?
Clarissa
No way. Nick said the same thing to me. Don’t worry Sam. I’ve got a plan.
INT. NICKS ROOM-DAY
Nick McGriff’s room is a completely modernized take on Clarissa’s old room. The layout is the same, the big window in the back ground, the door on the left side of the screen, and his bed on the right. Instead of an Alligator, he’s got a De-fanged Cobra he named Kai, as a nod to The Karate Kid. His desk is an intricate gaming console with all the latest computer technology and virtual reality. It’s where he host’s all of his shows content and live game streaming. One such show is the fabled “Nick’s Arcade.” He removes his VR headset and kick’s off his live stream.
NIck McGriff
What’s up guy’s, Nick McGriff here. I know what you’re thinking. “Great, Clarissa’s back.” Yeah sure. But this time, she’s not the one who’ll be explaining it all. I am.
Let’s talk Post Malone. Posty’s in town and hooked it up with two backstage passes. My mom’s throwing a big birthday party for my Grandpa on the same exact day. She actually thinks I’m gonna stay home for that. Chea.. Good luck. My grandpa will totally understand. Him and I jam out to Post Malone all the time. If I knew any better, he’d probably rather come backstage with me than go to some lame party my mom is throwing. He’s a cool grandpa.
That being said, when it comes to finding the perfect date to take backstage, it’s important to have options. I’ve narrowed it down to my top 3. So right now, on I’m gonna do a poll. I wan’t YOU guys to vote on who I’ll be taking. Here’s the choices.
Scene cuts to a view of Nick’s Instagram, as he scrolls through his top 3 dating options.
Nick
First, we have Victoria. She’s one vivacious babe. Totally groovy. Her bio describes her as a groovologist, whatever that means. She’s a modern day hippie and totally free spirited. Plus, she looks great in a bathing suit.
Next up we have Taylor. Granted, she’s more conservative than the girls I usually go for, but boy oh boy what I wouldn’t give to see her let loose and go crazy. It’s they mystery that get’s me..
Next up is my favorite. Check this girl out….
Before Nick can finish his sentence, a ladder clangs on the outside of his window and Bradley climbs through. She’s wearing a leather bomber jacket, baggy ripped jeans, and Chuck Taylor converse.
Nick
Hey Brad… I’m doing a live stream to see who I’m gonna take Backstage with me to the Posty show.
All of a sudden, Nick’s live stream goes crazy with comments and likes. His fans have spoken.
Bradley Anders
Hey Nick. What are they saying?
Nick
Well Brad, it’s your lucky day. They want me to take…. you.
Cue Theme Song- (A Remix)
INT- DARLING FAMILY LIVING ROOM – DAY
Social Media Addiction
The Darling Family, aka Clarissa, Nick, & Phoebe, all gather around together in the living room. The living room looks similar to the original, with a staircase and all just, you guessed it, modernized.
Clarissa
Alright kids, hand over your phones and electronic devices, we’re disconnecting for the next few hours. Family Time. it’ll be good for us.
Nick
Ha! Yeah right Clarissa. You’d be the first one to cave. You couldn’t go an hour without checking social media. You got it worse than either of us.
Phoebe
I think its a great idea mom. Social Media is just one big ego trip anyway. People constantly seeking validation. Yuck. It’s corrupting the way we really interact with each other. I’m happy to turn my phone off.
Nick
Stop being such a suck-up. You’re happy to get off social media because no one likes your posts. Get real, who want’s to have their timeline flooded with the political rants of a self righteous twelve year old.
Phoebe
Get over yourself fart-breath. You’re oozing with toxic- masculinity. Go back to the virtual reality world you came crawling out from.
Nick
Gladly. I’m outta here. Going skateboarding at the park with Bradley. I’m leaving my phone here so don’t bother trying to call me.
Clarissa
You’re not going anywhere young man, not until we discuss…
Before Clarissa can finish her sentence, he grabs his skateboard and slam’s the door behind him.
Clarissa
The party… Great. Well I guess it’s just you and me Phoebe’s.
Phoebe
You can count on me mom. I am the Darling of the family after all.
Clarissa
Nick thinks he’s so smooth. I’d never thought I’d say this Phoebe, but here’s your phone back. I need you to do me a favor. Call your uncle Ferguson. I have a plan.
Phoebe
You can count on me mom.
EXT. MARSHAL DARLINGS NEIGHBORHOOD, CREATIVE TOWNSHIP – NIGHT
It’s worth noting that the Darling’s old neighborhood was bought and redesigned by none other than Marshal Darling himself, under his creative empire, Creative Township LLC. We see an aerial view of the entire neighborhood at night. The view is that of a mock-up toy neighborhood, similar to that of Mr. Rogers. Hey, they had to cut our budget in certain areas, don’t judge!! Nick & Brad are hanging out front of the local organic corner store, waiting for an Uber to pick them up.
Nick
Hey Brad what do you think of face tattoo’s?
Brad
Umm, that depends. On Post Malone, hot! On you.. not so much.
Nick
I’m thinking of getting one. That’d really get under Clarissa’s skin.
Brad
Don’t you think you’re being a little hard on your mom. I think she’s kinda cool.
Nick
Cool? yeah right. She’s so stuck in the 90’s. It’s no wonder my dad left. I wish I would’ve went with him. I feel so stuck here.
Brad
Umm, have you met my dad?? And how could you feel stuck here. You have the most freedom of anyone I know.
Nick
Freedom? Being Insta famous isn’t freedom. It’s a job. Quite frankly it’s one I’m tired of. My mom’s the one who created this monster. Always posting my baby pictures on her blog. Yuck. I wish it all would go away sometimes. The real freedom is the wild west. Where my dad went. That’s the real freedom. One day I’ll get there.
Brad
I guess. Can we not be pessimistic right now. we’re going to be back stage with Post Malone! Plenty of time for misery tomorrow! C’mon, the Ubers here!!
Nick
Wait… is that…
INT. UBER – NIGHT
An all black Lincoln town car pulls up to the corner store. Nick & Brad Hop in. There’s a tinted divider between the driver and passenger side. They can’t tell who’s driving.
Nick
Ok, maybe the face tattoo is bit extreme. But a sleeve, that’s happening.
Brad
Totally.
Nick
Hey wait. Where does this driver think he’s going. He missed the exit. Hey driver! You’re going the wrong way!!
Nick & Brad bang on the window. As the window rolls down, two heads of bright red hair can be seen. It’s Ferguson & Phoebe. Crowd applauses.
Ferguson
My sincere apologies for raining on your parade. But your presence is requested at the behest of the Darling family for the birthday party of Mr. Marshall Darling. There’s no use resisting. This is a presidential vehicle with the latest in security technology. In other words, you can’t get out if you tried. When we arrive, you’ll be escorted by two of my top security advisors. Former CIA intelligence, Tank & Diesel.
Phoebe
Tough luck puke face. Hahaha!!
Phoebe & Ferguson laugh hysterically and roll the dividing window up. End scene.
EXT. CLARISSA’S HOUSE PARTY – NIGHT
Nick, Brad, Ferguson, Phoebe, & the two bodyguards arrive at the Darling household. The party is in full swing. Tank & Diesel have a strong hold on Nick & Brad, but they know it’s no use running at this point, so they admit defeat. The bodyguards let go. The party is set up in Clarissa’s back yard. She has the whole yard decorated with large scale replica’s of Marshall darlings early architectural work. Family and friends are all gathered around Dj Clarissa. She grabs the mic to give a speech.
Clarissa
Friends, family, it is with great pleasure that I introduce the man of the hour, the birthday boy, my Dad, Marshall Darling, lets give it up!
Crowd goes crazy. Clarissa looks Nick dead in the eye and smiles. Nick smiles back. He’s glad he’d come. Marshall is escorted by his wife Janet Darling, who’s brimming ear to ear with a huge smile. Clarissa hands him the mic.
Marshall Darling
Wow, thank you Clarissa. This is really unexpected. I don’t know what to say. Give it up for my daughter Clarissa everybody! Where do I start. Well, first and foremost I’d like to thank my loving wife Janet for sticking by me all those years when people thought I was crazy for making my architectural designs so literal. For cooking all that healthy food that keeps me in such fantastic shape for my age.
Of course my son Ferguson for sticking around long enough to be the mayor of this dream town of mine. Clarissa for always following her dreams, speaking her mind, and bringing such delightful grandkids into our lives. I’m forever grateful. Nick, Phoebe, you amaze me more and more everyday. Let’s give a big round of applause for Nick ladies and gentleman! He skipped out on a concert so he can be here with me tonight! And let me not forget all my friends and colleagues out there who believed in me along the way. Salute!
The crowd bursts into applause and begin singing Happy Birthday. Ferguson rolls out a birthday cake in the shape of a giant Clip & Curl nail salon, and Marshall blows out his candles. As the applause starts to die down, Clarissa puts on Post Malone’s Congratulations. Nick & Brad look at each other and hug. They both join in the family festivities and even more group hugging. Nick pulls Clarissa aside.
Nick
Sorry I’ve been such a jerk Clarissa. I mean..mom. I really miss dad. Would’ve been nice if he could have been here. I don’t want to forget him. Phoebe already decided to change her name back to Darling. I love Grandpa, I do. But in my heart, I’ll always be a McGriff.
Clarissa
I knew moving from New York to here would be a big transition for you. I miss your dad to. But sometimes, people just grow apart and have to follow their own path. You remind me so much of myself that it’s scary. It’s like my past is coming back to haunt me. I know how much music means to you, and how it helps you cope with things. That’s why I called in a favor.
Nick
A favor? Mom, what kind of favor?
Clarissa stops the music and grabs the microphone.
Clarissa
Ladies & Gentleman, tonight I tried to teach my son a lesson. We sabotaged him and his best friend Brad from going to the Post Malone concert. But even with all my efforts, I was still unsuccessful. Because Post Malone is here with us tonight! So give a huge, warm welcome for Post Malone!!
Post Malone performs and Clarissa and Sam are forced to get with the times, gladly.
End Pilot
If you enjoy’d our Clarissa Explains It All Reboot, make sure you go back and watch all the classic episodes on Itunes & Amazon.
Clarissa was written and created by Mitchell Kriegman. This Script is fan fiction based on his characters.
